Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
