Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
