he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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