Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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