We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
