wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
