Betty ford says i'm here all night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
