Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
