She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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