I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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