I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
