Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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