i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
