you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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