I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
