Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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