I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
