i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
