The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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