just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I intend to get homeless drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize