im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
