I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize