Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
