My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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