Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
