My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
