You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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