Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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