very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
