Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize