Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
