I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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