Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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