I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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