so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
