Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
