i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
