OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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