went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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