There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
