I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
