I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
