found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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