i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
