My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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