she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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