You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
