fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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