Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
