i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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