Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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