I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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