Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
