just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
