yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am available for nakedness
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
