so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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