chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
