so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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