It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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