remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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