apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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