you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
