All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There r osticjed everywhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
