I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my being single is dangerous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i've created a new STD.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
