Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize