Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I forgot wine drunk hurts
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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