he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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