i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize