I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
