She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
