Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
