i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
