around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
