There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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