Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
