sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can u get pink eye on your cock?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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