If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
