I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
