A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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