And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
