I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
