I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We are two peas in an std pod
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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