3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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