Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
