I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
