If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
