Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
