i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the raccoons are back...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
