I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
