he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
