You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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