Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
