Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
